Never give up. And never stop believing.

"The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place, and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth."

--Rocky Balboa

Growing up, I was never a big fan of Rocky, but I must say, that shit was inspiring.

I take hits from myself all of the time. Emotional hits, like I'm not good enough to do that, or that I shouldn't do this because it's a waste of my time, my talents, and whatnot. I don't think there has been anyone more relentlessly brutal to me than my own self. I'll read some smart asshole insulting this other person on the internet who I can relate a lot to, and some part of my mind takes what that asshole says and uses it to cripple me whenever I'm feeling most vulnerable.

To be honest, I've had thoughts about ending this blog and selling my games, while forever denouncing shooters as being this dead, archaic genre that nobody gives a shit about anymore. In some ways, a lot of this is true. People in general really don't give a shit about shooters, but that's what cynical people would want you to believe; and nobody likes depressing, cynical people. That's probably why they never get laid.

Despite the rather bleak outlook, there is always something there that keeps me coming back; something which makes me stubborn enough to stand so defiant before the face of harsh reality. It's that something which makes people think I'm a fool for pouring so much time and energy in. I shouldn't care. Whenever you do something you want to do, you know what that something is, and nobody can take that away from you. There is a reason why you keep coming back, and that reason alone should warrant all of the pain and the humility that comes along with it. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows, after all.

A friend of mine once said to me: "One of the things I hate the most is the word potential. I hate it when someone is told they are talented and smart enough to do anything, and then they end up squandering it by accomplishing nothing. Why? Because they get lazy, thinking they can always do more to live up to their potential, but they never put out the work required to get where they want to go. Fuck the little shit with potential, give me the underdog everybody is rooting against. The one person that nobody believes is going to make it. I want the dumb, ugly son of a bitch who is willing to work the shit out of him to get what he wants, even if it kills him."

He also added that I was "lazy as shit" and "my own worst enemy", but that's another story for another day.